Wanted: Alice and Emmett Cullen!
by sailorjupiterox
Summary: Join the 'Gruesome Twosome' and their sickened family as more and more pranks, jokes and crazy days are made! Hilarity ensues!
1. Intro!

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So, I was bored ... shoot me! As you may I have noticed, I have deleted most of my stories. NOW, I _am_ going to re-upload. But, I am re-writing and getting them checked by my beta, just so you don't read rubbish! If anyone has any suggestions, any requests any ... anything! I am open ... please email me!!!

Alice and Emmett are my favourite characters! What do you want next? Emmett's day, or Alice's day?

**Disclaimer; What do I say here? Oh 'I do not own Sailor Moon' WAIT, wrong thing! I don't own Twilight ... I don't own Sailor Moon either ... but that's besides the point ... oh well. **

Peace and tranquillity had set around the Cullen's household. Not a sound was made … not one annoying, out of place sound was made.

Edward Cullen, the _youngest_; in a certain manner, was playing his piano, long fingers expertly tapping on the keys unexpectedly, the softest of motions, creating the softest of sounds. His eyes were shut, closing off the golden hazes in his irises. His lips were brushing against each other, softly whispering a lullaby that he had made for his fiancée. His hair was naturally unkempt, but that was the way he liked it … messy, copper mixing with a slightly darker brown.

Jasper Cullen was sat on his and his wife's bed, legs folded beneath him as he read a book on a war that took place in the 19th century. His eyes, golden and alert were leaping across the words, absorbing them one by one, lips murmuring the words as he went. His desire to kill had lessened and lessened with every day that Isabella Swan-soon-to-be-Cullen had spent the day at the Cullen's. He admired Edward for this, smiling attentively at the thought then.  
_If only he would have gotten her earlier … _Jasper thought quietly, thinking that maybe he would be cured of his thirst by then.  
He thought he could hear Edward's chuckle downstairs.

Esme Cullen was outside, tending to the garden. She was normally quick at gardening, but felt no need to rush and so she worked at a human pace, slowly digging up the carrots she had planted … for the pure benefit of the only human that ever entered the Cullen household. Her caramel hair blew slightly in the ever-soft breeze, eyes beady while looking at her flourishing garden. She was thinking about her husband, and how he had been working in his office non-stop all day. That man sure was dedicated to his work! He surely deserved a smile and a hug off his loving wife? That settled it, Esme would go up there … as soon as she had her carrots.

Rosalie Cullen was smiling. She was painting her nails, a light coat of red, just to fill up her free time. She was humming along to a quiet melody as she did it, blowing ever so gently on her nails, grabbing a nail file. Her long blonde hair was pulled back into a pony tail, stands hanging out around her head, giving her a messy-but-organised look about her. Eyes golden, lips red; she was still the image of beauty. _Still_. To the others, it was normal, but to humans such as Bella, it was still a shock; and Rosalie loved that.

Carlisle yawned. He had been in his office all day, bored stiff! Sometimes, a doctor's work was stupendous! With an aggravated sigh, Carlisle snapped his file shut, pushing a porcelain hand through his ever-blonde hair. The doctor sighed and looked out of his window, seeing the green, green land of Forks. He liked Forks. Forks was where his _oldest son_ had met the love of his life. Isabella.  
The door opened slightly, revealing his wife.

"Esme," he muttered, appreciatively.

"Are you OK Carlisle, you've been up here for an awfully long time," Esme said disdainfully, looking at him cautiously.

"I'm fine my love," Carlisle replied, smiling kindly, his cheekbones relaxing.

Esme frowned, scrutinising. "Good," she said absent mindedly.

"Where is Bella today?" Carlisle asked. "Edward is still playing?" he asked.

"She's down at the Quillette reservation. Yes, I think he finds himself awfully bored without Emmett, Alice or Bella around," Esme said, sighing.

"They should be back soon," Carlisle said, shrugging.

As if on cue, a loud crash was heard from the entrance hall. In break-neck speed, five new vampires were in the room too.  
Alice Cullen and Emmett Cullen were grinning. Ear to ear.  
"We caught a human!" they both grinned, Emmett holding out Bella Swan by the arm.

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**Did you like it? Yes, it's my first Twilight fanfic ... and I know it probably doesn't add up to ANY of them out there ... but it was fun! Expect more coming your way!**

**Right, this is only a little fun thing ... it's nothing that I'm going to get too bogged down with ... I'll try and get a new one out here every couple of days or every week at least, but I can't promise much lately.**

**Please review! God Bless - Niamh Chan x**

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	2. A Dare and Pink Pyjamas

**Yes. So, I'm hoping that I can update this fast. BEWARE, this one ISN'T that funny. I like it but it's not the best. Won't make you fall over laughing ... I don't think.**

**Disclaimer; I do not own Twilight unfortunately.**

Emmett smiled as Edward ran down the stairs to his beloved fiancée.

"What have you done to her?" Edward asked, grabbing Bella from Emmett's grip.

"Nothing," Alice said sweetly. "She's just asleep."

"You gave her something!" Edward boomed. "She's not that much of a heavy sleeper!""

"Kind of weird that you know that ..." Rosalie muttered.

Edward shot her a glare.

"Jeez, relax bro... we just tranfemuumphed," Emmett mumbled.

"You tranquillised her?" Carlisle asked.

"Yes but only with human stuff!" Alice whined. "You ruined it Emmett," she growled.

"Ruined what?" Edward asked, stalking from the room; still holding the unconscious Bella.

"Maybe you two should r-" Jasper told Alice and Emmett, but was cut off by the two of them running, Edward coming back into the room. "-un?"

Edward smiled slightly, running a hand through his hair and turning back to go to his room. "I'll be in my room,"

"Me and Esme are going to go hunting for the weekend, but we'll be gone for five days, we might visit some old friends," Carlisle said hurriedly.

"That's fine," Jasper said, smiling.

"Make sure no one touches my garden?" Esme asked of Jasper, who smiled.

"Don't worry," he said reassuringly.

–

Emmett grinned. He was hiding from Rosalie, who was grumbling about him getting something on her car. Under the bed. Next to him, was the small frame of Alice Cullen, who was smirking wickedly.

"They'd never look for us here!" he whispered harshly.

"Edward can hear our thoughts though!" Alice panicked. "Wait, I know what to do,"

_EDWARD CULLEN! If you reveal our hiding places to ANYONE, we will both personally turn Bella into a vampire!_ She thought manically.

The two even _heard_ Edward groan. Stood in front of him was Rosalie.

"Sorry Rose, I don't know where they are," he said mechanically.

Rosalie groaned and turned on her heel away from him. _No good. Stupid human lover can't find my stupid husband._

"Watch your mouth Rosalie," Edward muttered, turning his back and walking into his room.

–

Esme and Carlisle had been long gone.

Emmett and Alice … no one knew where they were.

Edward and Bella were still locked inside Edward's room … doing God knows. **(A/N= so do I!)**

Jasper was outside, watching the grey clouds turn black from night.

Rosalie was scrubbing at her car. Again.

"Emmett!" Alice whispered. "We should play dares!"

"Yeah!" Emmett agreed. "I'll go first. Alice, I dare you-"

"No, I get to dare you first!" Alice frowned.

"Fine,"

"I dare you Emmett McCarty Cullen, to steal Rosalie's nail polish and paint the settee in the _living_ room!" she whispered.

"I can't do that! Rosalie and Esme will kill me!" Emmett said, scared.

"No they won't! We'll buy a new settee with Edward's secret money he keeps stashed … _under his TV_,"

Another groan sounded from Edward.

_REMEMBER our deal Eddy!_ Alice cackled.

Emmett sighed and pulled himself from under the bed, to be joined by Alice less than a second later.

"It's in the second draw," Alice said, grinning.

Emmett frowned and pulled out all of his beloveds beloved nail polish. Grinning now, he ran down the stairs, closely followed by Alice. In the living room, he smashed the nail polish against the white, material settee.

"Esme would kill me!" Emmett shouted.

Soon all of the family was in there.

"What are you _doing_?" Rosalie shrieked.

"Alice, I've been looking for you everywhere," Jasper said, disapprovingly.

"How much tranquilliser did you put in her?" Edward asked.

"Shut up Eddy, get over it already," Alice muttered.

"My name is Edward," Edward said sternly.

"That's what they want you to think!" Emmett said, waving his hands in front of him.

"Shut up you two. What are you doing?" Rosalie asked. "Is that _my_ nail polish?" she asked, shaking.

"Now … Rose … think about how funny it was ..." Emmett said, backing away.

"Emmett Cullen. _How dare you use my nail polish to deface a settee and then say it was funny_!" she screamed, running after him.

Emmett ran, screaming like a girl from the house. "Get her away from meeeeeeeeeeeee!"

"Emmett! You have to buy me a whole new range of nail polish. If you don't I'll be forced to tell them about your _pyjamas_!" Rosalie screeched after him.

"Pyjamas?" Edward asked.

Alice grinned and ran up to the room, grabbing what was under his pillow and bringing it back with her.

"He doesn't even sleep, I mean..." Edward was still muttering to himself.

"Here," Alice threw them at him.

Edward laughed heartily, holding up the pink pyjamas. It was then that Emmett decided to remake his appearance. He ran into the living room, only to see his pyjamas already been shown to everyone. Without a second thought, he ran across the room and tackled his younger brother to the floor.

"Emmett, I never knew of your feminine side," Edward chuckled.

"That's a lie ...we all knew," Jasper said, clutching his sides.

"Shut up," Emmett grumbled, standing up. "Say it again and Bella gets it,"

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**Soo ... REVIEW? Love you alll!!!!! ^_^**


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